The Liberation
It has been 31 days, yesterday, since my Pappa left us. We went to the Shivan Temple to do a prayer for him and to light the Moksha Lamp (
மோட்ச தீபம்). It is customary in Sanatana Dharma to light this lamp to symbolize liberation of the soul from the cycle of birth and death. It was very painful for everyone in the family to accept that he is no more. I realised that it was easy to console others for their loss, but when it actually happened to me it, boy it wasn't easy. I stood strong during the funeral and later throughout the 16 days mourning period. Things needed to be done and I didn't have the space to grief. But eventually after the 16th day prayers, I broke down and let go my emotions.
I can still remember on the 11th of December 2021, I gave Pappa a haircut, shave and a nice hot bath. Somehow he wanted to stay longer under the hot shower, but I was more concerned of his health, being in the water for too long. In fact I even chided him for wanting to do just that. Looking back at the events that unfolded after that, now I feel, I should have permitted him that small joy just a little longer.
I was upset with Pappa the night before for spilling a mug of warm milk on himself. Since his grip was not steady, I wanted to hold the mug while he drank, but as determined as he was, he insisted to hold the mug himself and the next thing the mug tilted. It was 3.00am plus lack of sleep, I lost my cool, and I "snapped" at him, and then went on cleaning him up, the bed and the floor. If there was one thing that I now regret in my life with my Pappa, it will be that incident. Till today, it keeps playing in my mind, never occured to me then, that I won't be able to say sorry, ever to him.
Pappa was never a man who depended on others, he always wanted to do things himself. He picked up computer skills when he was in his late 60's. He was one of the earliest to use Tamil software when I was still struggling with MS-DOS.
This Is Where It All Began: Lanadron Estate, Panchor, Muar.
Despite his personal ups and down in life, never once did his priorities concerning us children got distracted. Emphasis on education was everything to him, and he never compromised on it. Of course I have had my fair share of Pappa's hand prints on my cheeks, either for producing red marks in the school report card or getting myself injured being naughty. But before bedtime all will be resolved and he will check on us and will give a pep talk about the importance of education and life in general.
As a Sportsman
Pappa had a very interesting life, he and my Amma fell in love while working as teachers in Factory Tamil School, Johore Labis Estate. Their relationship was something that we view in Indian movies, Pappa was a Tamilian of Indian origin and Amma was Tamil of Sri Lankan (formerl Ceylon) origin. Obviously a relationship that was not sanctioned by both communities. But a rebel rouser himself and a feminist Amma, both stood their ground and got married despite objections from both sides.
The Product Of That Union
One thing that I have learned from my Pappa is, he always believes that "if there is will, there is a always a way." He says commitment and passion are important in whatever endevour we undertake and without that nothing happens.
Bestowed an Award by the then Agung (King)
Pappa has always been a public figure, which led him to venture into politics, which saw him associating with 3 prominent Presidents of Malaysian Indian Congress, namely Tun Sambanthan, Tun Manickavasagam and Tun Samy Velu. Pappa was also the past President of the Sri Maha Mariamman Temple in Segamat, and later upon relinquishing that position he became an Assistant Registrar of Marriages
A Well Read Orator
Pappa was a man of principle, would stick to his values at all costs. He was meticulous and was highly regarded as a man of letters. His knowledge was not merely academic, but hands on. He loved to travel, and upon retirement set up his own travel and tour company. To this day many who have travelled with him had great things to say about his tours. In fact I met someone at Pappa's funeral who was narrating an incident that took place whilst on tour with Pappa, and how Pappa took charge of the situation and solved the problem.
The Adventurer
Many who came for Pappa's funeral and even after that, had stories to tell about him, and all of them had their own narration of how Pappa had touched their lives. It was very inspiring to hear and at some point I began to question myself, could I even be half the man he had been? I think the greatness of a person's life should be measured not by his wealth or position but simply how his journey impacted others even in the smallest way possible.
The Suave Gentleman
Pappa led a colourful life, living on his own terms, unperturbed by challenges that life threw at him. To him, Amma,Vani, Thara, Greeja, Kumar, Kavin, Roshen, Harshini, Raviena, Dhivyaa, Pravin and me were his absoluteness. Pappa was always there to lend a ear as well as to give his piece of mind when something was not right. Today he is no longer with us, but the wisdom that he has imparted to me and the rest of us in the family will be our guiding beacon. A doting grandfather, his grandchildren were the apple of his eye, and together with my Amma, have nurtured all of them since birth. Today the grandchildren bear testimony to all the values that Pappa stood for.
He saw a complete cycle of a mortal life, through his grandchildren. All except one who is still in university have completed their tertiary education and have gone on building their own career, which he was very proud of. If at all there was one regret he may have at all, is that, he did not live long enough to see any one of them get married.
My dear Pappa, don't fret, you have never left us, because you are part of us.
The Infectious Smile
Kanniappan K Kutta Reddy
1939-2021
Lead me from the untruth to the Truth.
Lead me from darkness to light.
Lead me from death to immortality
Om Peace Peace Peace.
ஓம் அசதோ மா சத்-கமயா
தமஸோ மா ஜோதிர்-கமயா
ம்ருத்யோர்-மா அமிர்தம் கமயா
ஓம் சாந்தி சாந்தி சாந்தி
Asatoma Sad-Gamaya
Asatoma Sad-Gamaya
Tamaso Maa Jyotir-Gamaya
Mrytyor-Maa Amritam Gamaya
Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantihi
AUM TAT SAT
Ravi Varmman@0732210120222.5035° N, 102.8208° E
