The Guilt From The Age of Innocence

 

There was this chubby boy with  black plastic spectacles in my primary school. His demeanour was the butt of jokes in school. He suffered verbal humiliation from everyone, every day, without fail. Sometimes he also has to endure physical abuse from the more emboldened children. Though he was big sized and could take on other children if he wanted to, but he didn’t. I suppose he was mentally broken that he wasn’t able to defend himself. This chap did not complete his high school, nevertheless managed to land a decent job, got married and was blessed with a child. Unfortunately, this poor chap passed on due to a medical complication later on in his life.

Today a good friend of mine from school, shared a few names of our school mates on WhatsApp. Who were these schoolmates, together with the person I mentioned above, there were four others. All these five students have always been subjected to some kind of torment in school.

That reminded me of another person from that list who also did not complete high school, went into drug addiction which eventually led him into petty crime. I met him a couple of times, when I went back to my hometown. On both occasions, he looked very haggard and he was in need of money. I obliged and only later I found out from another friend who caters food to prison, that this chap had been in and out of prison and he had died owing to drug-related health complications.  

One thing I must say, even the teachers at that time, picked on all five of them. Somehow it gave everyone (I mean students) the impunity to do the same to these 5 chaps as well.  

We were after all, 8 year-olds, and as such our actions were based on what we observed. During those day’s teachers were not only our role model but they were regarded next to God.

In Indian philosophy the hierarchy of influence and wisdom starts from, Maatha, Pithaa, Guru, Deivam  (the order is Mother, Father, Teacher and God). I am not deliberately transferring the responsibility to our teachers for our actions, but our actions at that time resembles the analogy of “monkey see, monkey do”.

For us children, we were not at the age of reason to decipher the concept of morality. This was an age we were stepping into the realm of right and wrong. At that age we could not have fully understood all the complicated reasons why something was right or wrong but we were actually beginning to learn about morality and how to make good choices. Hence the observation we made around us influenced our behavior.

Some may ask, what about the moral conditioning at home, doesn’t it affect our behavior?  Well we can’t negate that, but one must understand that the mind of a child works in a compartmentalized manner. According to behavioural psychologists, children between the age of 6 to 9 tend to compartmentalize their thinking by separating different ideas, rules or feelings based on the situation they encounter.

A child may behave differently at home versus school. They may follow a certain code of conduct in school but they may feel a different code of conduct applies at home. Hence they tend to compartmentalize their behavior according to the environment they are in. At this age, children are just beginning to embark on world of morality but their sense of right or wrong would still be based on context. For example, though children may understand that lying is wrong but they may still lie to avoid getting into trouble. Where the child would rationalize the act of lying within the troubling context than it is ok to lie.

It has been over more than 50 years since those tragic events took place but it haunts many of us till today, more so my dear friend who made us to revisit it. But as another friend said, (who happened to be also a victim of such torment) that at some point in our current life we would have paid the consequences of our actions.

This is the age of Kali (Kali Yuga) the end of the 4 cycles of Age, where according to Hindu Cosmology, it is the end of a Mahayuga, before it restarts with a new Mahayuga (another 4 cycles, lasting for about 4,320,000 human years). It is written in the Hindu scriptures, that during the Kali Yuga the consequences of one’s action or Karma will be realized within this lifetime. Based on my own experiences, at different stages in my life, I have gone through certain events that retrospectively when I think, it seems to connect with my past actions. Maybe its coincidence but I always believe that the cosmos works mysteriously.

So the question is, should we carry the burden of guilt for something that we may have committed during the age of innocence? At that age even our brains have not been fully developed and all our actions are based on limited experience, immature emotions, and limited worldview. As a child, making mistakes during our early childhood development is perfectly fine. At that age most of our actions are not based on any specific intent and we may not even fully understand the consequences of our actions.

I sincerely believe that we should practice self-compassion and forgive ourselves for any actions (even being apathetic to some wrong doings) that was committed when we were still too young to envision its implications.

As adults now, perhaps we are able to reflect and contemplate our past actions, so instead of carrying the burden of guilt we can grow and learn from those experiences.  

My friend who was also a victim of such torment said, “for some reason I was never disturbed by it all. I actually laughed at such stupidity. And the Universe has taken care of the actors, and protected me all throughout life”. This is one of the most inspiring and positive reactions that I have ever heard from someone who have been bullied. Perhaps for him, it was one of the experiences that made him resilient and assiduous, which eventually led him to be a successful corporate figure abroad.  

For the remaining 3 guys on the list, no news about them, I just hope and pray that they are doing well, wherever they are.     

ravivarmmankkanniappan@1238150820243.0567° N, 101.5851° E

Dunbar's Number and Social Chaos

It looks like anthropologist Robin Dunbar's, "Dunbar's Number" came through. 

He theorized that humans can maintain stable social relationships with about 150 people, anything more would only lead to chaos and stress. 

Today, we are exposed to vast networks far exceeding this limit, through social media, workplaces, and urban living. This overload will strain our cognitive and emotional capacities, leading to feelings of chaos and social fragmentation. 

A case in point is the current social unrest in the UK. The unrest in the UK is a culmination of transformation that took place since post WW2. The UK became a melting pot of cultural diversity which saw droves of migrants coming into the country from former British Colonies, namely from India/Paksitan, Carribean Islands and Africa immediately after WW2 ended. These arrival actually intensified between the 1960's right through the 1970's and with subsequent waves of immigration, contributed to it's multicultural society today. From 1990's onwards there was another round of immigrants, this time refugees started to knock on the UK borders. These refugees were the outcome of the rising conflicts in the Balkans, Middle East, and Africa (namely from Kososvo. Afghanistan, Iraq and Somalia). 

Unlike in the past, the migration of refugees in the 90's saw a mixed reaction in the UK. Whilst communities in the UK welcomed these refugees and made attempts to socially integrate them, but on the other hand it also made others uncomfortable. Tensions particularly emerged in the areas facing economic pressures, especially where public service is constrained. In some British communities the migrants were viewed suspiciouly which led to social frictions, political debates and formalised anti immigrant sentiments. 

These anti immigrant sentiments has its basis on the rise of Islamic fundamentalism in the UK since the 1990's. The trigger point was the series of terrorist attacks in the UK including the 7/7 2004 bombing. These events has increased suspicions and tensions between Moslems and Non Moslems which gave rise to Islamaphobia and anti Moslem sentiments, which further fractured the social construct of the UK. 

Coupled with economic inequality, unemployment/underempoyment, social fragmentation, and further exacerbated by austerity and political responses have contributed to the underlying frustrations that has spilled over as riots. Rightfully or wrongfully, the riots in the UK are merely a symptom of a myriad of issues that belies the reasons peddled to serve various agendas. 

The UK is just one of the many case studies we can observe about the social disenfranchisement that is happening all over the world. 

It is rather intriguing to note that the quality of relationships seem often diminishes as quantity increases, whereby it reduces meaningful interactions and contributing to a feeling of isolation. Salinger, in Catcher in the Rye has put this human dilemma through Holden's character. Holden feels deeply isolated struggling to connect with others and rejecting phoniness in the society. Holden's loneliness is both a defense mechanism as well as a source of pain as he longs for genuine human connections, which he keeps pushing away. His alienation is sum of the fear of growing up loosing his innocence which further intensifies his loneliness. 

A friend of mine who is a volunteer at a mental health social service centre says that majority of people who seek help suffer from loneliness. So loneliness is a serious issues that plaques people, more so today with all these digital tools it further alienates physical proximity between people. Mind you, Salinger's book was published in 1951, when digital tools were not even heard of, but this phenomenon of loneliness has been addressed then too.

But back to Salinger, then he did not address the fact that human beings can react with a gust of adrenaline rush, and sometimes mob action can motivate this. So even the lonely may react, because at that moment it may give them a sense of purpose beyond logic. 

There is a Tamizh saying, "சாது மிரண்டால் காடு கொள்ளாது" it loosely translatess as "Even the Jungle may not witstand Fury of the Wild Buffalo". Buffallo are are rather passive and non threatening animals, but when they are spooked, they may go on a stampede which would bring the greatest damage in the jungle. Every buffalo regardless of its nature would react owing to this adrenaline rush.

Riots and social unrest manifest owing to multiple reasons, but it may attract even the most passive/introvert/lonely person. A disenfrenchised person may find a sense of belonging because participating in such activity is a form of escapism from being lonely. This can also be an outlet for these individuals to release their pent-up frustrations. Participation in such activity can also give these individuals a sense of identity and empowerment. And more importantly it fits the description of cognitive dissonance, where these individuals belief that their actions are justified and it also helps them to align their actions with their self image.

Relationships are so fragile today that it creates two extremes, one where people cling on to each other for whatever comfort it gives at that moment (to alleviate fear), and the other extreme is a character like Holden (in Catcher in The Rye) who completely alienates oneself out of fear. But one thing that brings these two extremes together is incident like the Southport Stabbing that sparked the riots all over UK. Interesting, "fear" is the common denominator (we will leave this for another day).    

At this juncture, I am inclined to agree with Dunbar, that the mismatch between our evolutionary social limits and modern societal demands has and will continue to contribute to stress and a perceived loss of community, in contemporary society. I am not sure if 150 is the magic number but "fear and trust" becomes highly flamable as the numbers increases in a community. 

So the question is, can we turn the clock back? 

Will society voluntarily go back to basics? 

Umpp.... that is a tough one. 

Perhaps the prophecy of Kalki Avatar is not wrong afterall,........ the resetting of the world order is inevitable.

Cheers.

(Note: Next Change, Kalki Avatar)

ravivarmmankkanniappan@14200110820243.0567° N, 101.5851° E