எந்நன்றி கொன்றார்க்கும் உய்வுண்டாம் உய்வில்லை
செய்ந்நன்றி கொன்ற மகற்கு
yendhnanri konraarkkum uivuntaam uivillai
seindhnanri konra makatrku
There may be
redemption for those who even commit murder, but there is no salvation for
those who are ingratitude.
The above couplet
110 from Thirukural written by Thiruvalluvar (the famed Tamizh Philosopher, Saint,
circa 500ce) shows the importance of gratitude in human relationships.
Thiruvalluvar says that even a person who has taken someone else’s life could
seek absolution but not for a person who betrays gratitude.
The concept of
gratitude seems to be slowly eroding today and it appears that a lot has to do
with the evolution of self-concept. Whether
as an individual or as a communal entity, people are aggressively promoting
exclusivity rather than inclusivity. Once there was a notion that via
globalization people of the world would converge into an inclusive global
community, but this is far from the reality. We are more fragmented as a nation,
what more amongst nations. Ethnic identity supersedes national interests and
the creation of social cohesion and justice.
With all that is
happening at both micro and macro level, how does then the concept of gratitude
sit from a relational perspective.
To expound the
cause and effect of this dilemma, I would like to narrate the story of Queen Kaikeyi
and King Dasharatha in the epic of Ramayana. Queen Kaikeyi fought with valour
to safe her husband King Dasharatha from a certain death. As gratitude for saving
his life Dasharatha gave Queen Kaikeyi two boons, which she said she will
exercise it at a later time. That time came when Dasharatha wanted to abdicate
his Kingdom and wanted to crown Prince Rama as the new king by virtue of he
being the first born to the eldest of the three Queens, Queen Kausalya.
This was where the
second queen, Queen Kaikeyi wanted her son Prince Barathan to be appointed rather
than Rama. Thus began the treachery where she used her boons not only to make
Prince Bharathan as the King but also to banish Prince Rama and his wife Sita
in exile for 14 years, and hereon began the epic Ramayana.
In this scenario King
Dasharatha felt betrayed by the action of Queen Kaikeyi, which eventually led
to his death not only owing to a broken heart but also the fact that he had
exiled Prince Rama and Princess Sita. By applying the virtue of the Thirukural
above, this betrayal exemplifies the violation of the deepest trust between
husband and wife. The Thirukural also says that any boon stemming from
gratitude should only be used for noble or virtuous causes and not one that
reeks of self-centredness.
Queen Kaikeyi’s
action did not only end with losing her husband but she also lost her son
Prince Bharathan’s love and lived in isolation in the Kingdom. Prince Bharathan
adored Prince Rama and totally despised his mother’s treachery. In fact he
promised that he will never sit on the throne of Ayodhya, and would merely act
as an administrator until the return of Prince Rama after his exile.
Nothing depicts more
the cause and consequence of ingratitude like the above excerpt from the
Ramayana.
In modern times I
still remember the intervention of the US in Afghanistan upon Soviet Union
invasion in 1979. In the name of liberating Afghanistan, through what was known
as Operation Cyclone, the CIA funded and trained local Mujahedeen fighters to
take up arms against the presence of Soviet Union. The Mujahedeen were truly grateful
to the US for eventually freeing Afghanistan in 1989 from the Soviet Union.
However, after the
conflict ended, the US gradually pulled out of Afghanistan leaving a power
vacuum, when the people of Afghanistan and the Mujahedeen expected the US to continue
their funding and support to rehabilitate a war torn country. The Mujahedeen
specifically felt betrayed because they supported the US to fit a bigger agenda
that is the ongoing cold war between the US and the Soviet Union. It appeared
that the US merely used Afghanistan as a war theatre to show their superiority against
the Soviet Union.
This eventually led
to total chaos in Afghanistan which fell into another round of civil conflict
which went on for another 20 years. During this period we saw the rise of the Taliban,
and the birth of the Al Qaedah which eventually unleashed global terror. This
incident reflects the consequences when commitment and gratitude in
international relations is not honoured.
In a consumerist
world that we live today, the presence of transactional relationship appears to
be overwhelmingly present which negates the depth and authenticity of
meaningful relationship to mere exchange of materialistic value rather than
establishing relationships that are based on trust, empathy and mutual respect.
Transactional relationship increases sense of competition and comparison where
one’s self worth is measured by external validation rather than an internalized
self-awareness on virtuous existence.
In such muddled socio-dynamics,
the concept of gratitude would be lost in translation. From personal conflict to
global altercation, very often we see, despite all efforts taken to find
solutions, the conflicting parties neither have respect for each other nor the
arbitrator who has come forward to help to resolve the matter. In many cases
the intervenor becomes subject to abuse and torment.
During the ethnic
conflict between the Hutu majority and Tutsi minority in Rwanda, the United
Nations Peacekeeping Forces under the banner of United Nations Assistance
Mission for Rwanda (UNAMIR) was sent to Rwanda to monitor and promote the peace
agreement between the Rwandan government and Rwandan Patriotic Front (a Tutsi
rebel group). But what is now known as the Rwandan Genocide of 1994 saw one of
the worst human atrocities committed in modern times, where the UN peacekeeping
forces were not only powerless to stop the carnage but they themselves succumbed
to threat, torture and death during that period. The head of the mission a
Canadian, General Romeo Dallaire in a dejected voice was recorded saying, “I
felt betrayed by humanity”, not only because his team faced the said onslaught but
also the lack of support by the world to the mission itself.
I am sure many of
us may have inevitably faced scenario of ingratitude within our circle of
family, friends and colleagues. The emotional hurt would be greater than the
materialistic loss, especially when the person who commits such an action is
someone that you were close too and trusted. I guess the reason why the hurt
becomes very draining is because there was an element of reciprocity and
expectation in that relationship, especially when you have been sincere.
In the Bhagavad
Gita, Lord Krishna tells Arjuna, as a warrior, Arjuna should fulfill his
responsibilities without being overwhelmed by the fear of loss or even being
happy if he triumphs. Here Lord Krishna emphasizes on the concept of Nishkama
Karma (selfless action) which translates, “to perform one’s duty without the
attachment to the results”.
I have been
adhering to this philosophy for some time now. It definitely makes my life less
stressful. When for example I help someone, I take it that I am doing it
because “I want to” and “it is within my capacity to do so”, and if I can’t
then so be it. I do not carry any guilt for my inability to be of help nor
expect any gratitude in return should I render the help.
Nothing in modern
literature captures this thought better than Rudyard Kiplings “If”.
If
If you can dream—and not make dreams
your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your
winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
The absence of gratitude, when viewed from an emotional perspective, certainly has devastating consequences. However, if we rise above this feeling and act without any expectations – doing good simply because we want to – then events like Lord Hanuman burning the city of Lanka or for that matter, the September 9/11 attacks, would not have taken place.
ravivarmmankkanniappan@151614112024 Latitude, 3° 8' 48.56"N ; Longitude, 101° 32' 20.70"E
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